so it begins, and there it ends.

I knew I'd get like this eventually. It'a actually ridiculous to think about. I don't know who I think I am, but I don't like whoever it is. I feel like an alien to myself.
It's like I'm bipolar in my walk with God. I was fine last week. I was like, "I'm not going to get discouraged, not me!" And yeah. Here I am...sitting here wondering, " Is this really God's will?..."
So I prayed about it earlier. I told God how I felt. I told Him that I don't know who I am anymore, and that I am NOT happy with who I've been lately. I asked Him to show Himself to me the way He always has. When I'd need answers, I'd read the Bible and the Holy Spirit would speak to me in such a powerful way. I need that again. I didn't (and still don't) understand, if this is God's will, why dad had to to get a job where he'd have a lower salary while living in a city with a higher cost of living. And I definitely don't understand why we can't find a house or a church.
And then it hit me. Not quite like I remembered it, but it definitely hit me. His answer. His still, small voice. And I knew in my soul that this is supposed to be a growing experience for me...no matter how long I live here. God brought me here because He knew, though I've always LOVED it here, that I was going to be irritated with some things, and that I need to work on some stuff in my life (just like everyone else). And He knew that I'd have to be here, in this situation, for that to happen. I also know that by us leaving, it will bring other people to realize things in their lives as well.
So. Just like every other Christian, I'm going to have to learn to trust God more than I have before. I trust Him, but not enough. So each day, each moment, each circumstance, I'm going to have to let go of myself and give ME to the ONE who rescued me.

"Preach the gospel everywhere. If necessary, use words." - St. Francis of Assisi

wonderful night, it is =]

I am so...not tired. lol. I'm just sitting here...watching Cold Case =D with my uncle. in a rocking chair.
I had this brilliant idea! but he said everyone would think we're mental if we did it...I think it'd be funny and a good time. especially at 12:28 in the morning. when the neighborhood is asleep and it's dark and quiet outside...dare I tell you? I don't think so ;]
back to Cold Case, thank you very much <33

Hello beautiful people of the world! =] I haven't blogged in almost a week, I know. I've been kind of busy, AND my cousin who isn't usually here has been home a lot. He works on an unset schedule, so who knows when he'll ever be home. But when he IS home, he stays on the computer AND watches TV at the same time. All day. Unless someone was already on the computer when he got home. Then he waits until they get up. But whatever :p It is his computer and TV. Actually...he has two TV's side by side...but I don't care and I'm sure you don't either.
I have a few prayer requests for you. First of all, please pray for the family and friends of a woman named Carolyn. She had cancer (in her stomach, I believe) and passed away today. Second, pray for my bestest friend Tabitha and her family for an uspoken issue. Pray that God would give them comfort, strength and guidance right now. And third, please pray for my brothers...I think they've completely lost their marbles...and their sense of maturity.
I don't really have anything interesting to say. I've been too busy to think about it. Oh wait! Yes I do. I can't talk to anyone on the phone until August gets here because my father is almost out of minutes. I just thought I should tell you that so you wouldn't think I'm ignoring you. Because I'm not ;]
Everyone have a wonderful week and I'll post again soon! ^_^

"Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:6

My mouth is dry.

Hey guysss. =] I deleted my last post (OH.EM.GEE.) because there were a few people who misunderstood it completely. So, I apologize for making anyone think that I'm being selfish or immature or wanting attention, because I'm not and the point of that post was not to draw attention to myself. I'm not even going to try to explain it though because I've realized over the past 4 years that I am a VERY misunderstood girl. But that's okay.

We're going to church tonight. It will be the first Wednesday I've been to church in 3 weeks. It's like a breath of fresh air just thinking about it. And I'm just going to shut up before I go into anymore expository writing...not that it would be anything bad. Just misunderstood. I don't really have anything to say as of right now though. So I'm going to continue on with my day. =] I hope all of you have a fantastic one! I love you guys!

An Ode to Venting: Part 2

WELL. We didn't go to church last night. Lovely, isn't it? I feel like a heathen. Would you like to know WHY we didn't go to church last night?? Because my father is refusing to go to a church with more than about 1,000 people. And one of the only churches that has a 7:00 Wednesday service with something for every age group is the biggest church in this city. (The reason it has to be a 7:00 service is because my dad doesn't get home from work until around 6:20, but that's beside the point.) So yeah. Lovely, isn't it??
I'm so tired of this! I really don't understand why he's acting like this! I mean, I love my father and I don't want you to get the impression that he's some kind of weirdo, but seriously! Just because HE doesn't like big churches doesn't mean the rest of us have to suffer. It's not about him. GAHHH!
Pleeeeaaaase just pray for this situation. PLEASE. I'm desperate. ;] But really, I am.

I love you all! You're in my prayers.

proverbs 3:5-6

An Ode to Venting.

grrrrr! I am very irritated by the fact that my father doesn't want to go to a church without a Sunday evening service! I mean...for real. GAH! I like going to church on Sunday nights, yes. I'm not bashing it at all. But just because a church doesn't have an evening service does NOT make it a bad church. I just want a church with a good youth group, for crying out loud. [sigh] I'm sorry. I'm just aggravated. I'll go now. Please pray for this annoyance of a situation.

fruitless?

It seems like it. I know we've only been here for 5 days, but still. Housing costs have gone up a lot in the past 9 months or so. We can't even afford a nice house here. I've been looking for a job. I told my dad I'd help make the payments for a house, but I can't even find a job that looks interesting. I definitely do not want to work in fast food. I loved lifeguarding in KY, but I can't really find any jobs like that here that I'm elligible for. One that I'd actually be interested in, I can't do because it's mandatory to go through training, which costs $75. And I really don't feel like paying $75 dollars for a job that will end in about 2 months. So then I thought it'd be cool to be a ride operator at Six Flags, but you have to be atleast 18.
SO. I found this company nearby that has a lot of job openings for teens, and I reallyyyy want to do it. Most of them are extras for music videos, movies, and commercials, etc.; but there is one opening for a dance team. I've always loved dancing...and I've always wanted to get into choreography. BUT...my father doesn't believe in dancing. Most Baptists don't. Which bothers me deeply. Oh well. Whatever.
There are a lot of things I could say about the religious mindset of a Baptist, but I won't. I'm not saying anything bad about someone who is Baptist, it's just that a lot of them have all these stupid "rules" about what we can and can't do, blahblahblah, and I'm like, "Okayyyy..." But their teaching is usually right on, brutha. ;] haha. Plus, I'm supposedly Baptist, so yeah. But let me tell ya, I believe what Baptists believe, yes. But I do NOT go around telling people that they can't dance, can't worship any way they want, can't listen to certain kinds of music even though it's Christian (that one bothers me the most, grrrr), and those types of things. GAH! It's so irritating. Psht. Whatever. :D

Back to whatever I was thinking about before....oh yeah! We're also having trouble finding a church. Most churches here don't have a Sunday evening service, which makes my father tick. Personally, I don't see a huge problem with that. I mean, I see how not going to church on Sunday night could make you not want to go on Sunday mornings and such, but as far as a good reason...I have none. Not really. I mean, I can think of things like it's wonderful to worship God as much as possible on His day. But I don't think they did that in the Bible days. I could be wrong, I don't know. I like going to church on Sunday nights, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that if we can't find a good church with Sunday night services, there's nothing we can really do about it. I don't think God would be offended? We could have our own Bible study thing on Sunday nights. If someone I can believe gives me an answer to this, then maybe I'll see it differently. But otherwise, that's what I think.
It's been an interesting day.

I'll post soon! I love you guys! Miss you.

life as of now.

Helloooo! =] So, as most of you know, I have moved. To a different state, nonetheless. (The name of which I shan't say on the internet, because I'm paranoid about those kinds of things.) I was quite excited about moving, beside the fact that I had to leave all my friends. But I don't really feel like giving my "I heart adventure" speech, so I shan't.
We left Monday morning around 8:45 Eastern time. We had a few small dilemmas which put us here a little later than we planned, but everything was fine. We got here around 11 Eastern time on Tuesday night.
On Wednesday, we unloaded the moving truck and put everything in storage. (We're staying with one of my uncles until we find a house.) That was one HOT day, I'll tell ya that.
Yesterday, my dad and I went to the licensing department. He got his new driver's license and I got my new permit. Yay me. Actually, it's not as bad as I thought. I was VERY angry before we moved, because I read about the licensing process here, and it had a lot of restrictions that I didn't have before. But when I actually talked to the lady yesterday, I found out that, since I've moved out of state, I am an exception. Ha. =] So while I'll be getting my driver's license later than I wished, it's not as late as I thought it would be. And I didn't have to take the written test again, like I was told I would have to. It was basically like the renewal of a license. I had to take the eye test again, and fill out paperwork with my new information, but that's all. =] And, of course, get my stupid picture taken. Again. But overall, it's not going to be that bad.
I must be going now. But please continue praying that we find a house...soon. I love all of you, and you're in my frequent thoughts and prayers. =D