I had a prayer answered tonight. God rained His mercy and grace over a LARGE situation…on Christmas…IN THE REMAINING MINUTES OF HIS SON’S BIRTHDAY. What a better way to end this Christmas? Where is there a better way? There is not. This had been the best Christmas of my eighteen years, and it ended like this, making it even better.
This Christmas was incredible, but it also ended with me feeling like a failure and a bit angry over my obstruction of God’s cause. I held back. I kept my mouth shut. I was the reason that God didn’t answer this prayer sooner. I am the reason that someone didn’t see the light sooner than now. But God has a time for everything. He works things out.
What is going on right now can barely be described by the blabbing of my heart flowing through my working fingers. It cannot be expressed merely by me sitting here typing, trying to release just a bit of the holy pressure in my heart. It has to be seen, felt, heard to be understood. My heart and soul’s explosion can only be experienced to comprehend the meaning of it. I am SO GRATEFUL to God that He has poured a part of His heart into me over the past four months - the past four months that have felt like four years. But in light of this, four years ago I never would have guessed that my mind, heart, and soul would be so pressed upon the way they have been since August.
Praise God for August. Praise God for tragedy. Praise God for His divine work and will. Praise God for making the past four months the MOST meaningful four months of my life. Praise God for hearing and answering prayer. Praise God for His never letting go. Praise God for moving so indescribably, and for the hope that He will continue moving the way He has the past four months.
Thank You, thank You, thank You, Jesus. My heart is overflowing with joy and peace. I know that I’ve felt this exact way since August, of course (I’m telling you, I need to write a book or something), but tonight You started answering a very major prayer and I am so grateful for that. It just adds to my explosion. But again, I feel like such an idiot for keeping this whole situation from a certain someone. I shouldn’t have and I am so sorry.
My August fire has stayed lit thus far, Father, and I ask You that You would help it to stay lit the rest of my life. I know I’ve talked to You about this more times than anyone can count, and the fact that the fire is still here gives me hope that it always will be here. This is what You want, Jesus. Give the world the vision - the perception, the piece of Your very heart - that You’ve given me. Let them see.
GAH! I wish that this could be described. I wish that it could be understood by the readers. But to them, it’s just words. It can’t be understood if it hasn’t been experienced. This has been the longest, most amazing, four months I’ve ever experienced. And it’s going to continue for the rest of my life! But oh, do I wish that the readers could comprehend what I speak of.
The words, the songs, the music, the circumstances, the conversations with Melody that are as many as the grains of sand on the seashore. The tears, the pain, the prayers, the distress, the confusion, the tragedy, the sorrow, the anguish, the agony of God’s heart. The beauty, the joy, the peace, the hope, the exhilaration, the amazement, the dynamite. THE WORKING OF GOD’S VERY HANDS, THE MOVING OF HIS FINGERTIPS, THE BREATH OF HIS LUNGS, THE WORDS OF HIS MOUTH, THE KISS OF HIS LOVE, THE BEAUTY OF HIS HEART. I have experienced His heart. I have seen through His eyes. I don’t know how I’ve stayed alive through this because my heart has exploded only God knows how many times. etewtjioejorigkrpogjretioretjrepotjrpot BOOM. THIS IS THE CALL. There is no other.
Thank You for Melody’s accompaniment and letting us share in this together. Thank You for what You’re hopefully doing with someone else.
Continue stripping me of EVERYTHING; continue making me holy.
I don’t know what else to say, God. You know what’s in my heart. I PRAISE YOU THAT THIS IS FOR REAL! Thank You so very very much. Keep Your sovereign hand on this like You’ve done thus far, Father. I love You.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Portfolio for my photography final.
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