[Souloscopy]

Rediscover? I think not.

2010-04-06T22:16:00.004-06:00

I recently heard a Christian song stating the lyrics, “Help me rediscover You.”
I finally figured it out. I’ve been trying to “rediscover” Jesus. I’ve been thinking that I lost Him somewhere. I made all these commitments to Him in hopes that I could get Him to work in my life again. I thought that I could rediscover Him.
Wow, was I wrong. No wonder I felt so bad every time I discontinued one of my vows. I was right to feel ashamed – I did fail my Jesus. But I didn’t have to rediscover Him.
Why? He has always been right here. He didn’t leave me. He found me once in my life, I didn’t need to find Him, and I especially don’t need to find Him all over again. I have no capability to do so anyway.
I’ve spent the last year or more trying to rediscover Jesus over and over again. That left me high and dry. I’ve come to the realization of some truths though: Jesus doesn’t leave me - I can’t rediscover Him; I can only move forward or move backward in my relationship with Him. If I do the former, I will grow closer to Him day after day, I will experience God piece by piece, and He will use me. If I do the latter, I will be farther from Him each day, I will fall apart, and He will not use me. I will have to come back to Him by repentance, but I cannot come back to Him by rediscovery.
My journey isn’t over yet, and neither is yours. It is not mission complete. We are to fervently run the race of faith each day. We are to keep moving closer to our goal (to be like Jesus). If we screw up, we are to get up, find forgiveness in God, and keep on keepin’ on. It’s not like I’ve already finished discovering God and now I have to discover Him all over again. No!
Everyday, one step closer. (If not, we should get back where we’re supposed to be.) Every moment, a little more of God’s breath in me. It’s a journey with no need to rediscover our Captain. We are God’s adventurers.
At the end of our journey, let us echo the words of Paul: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7)

God's heart and His hand: Part One.

2009-12-26T02:41:00.004-07:00

I had a prayer answered tonight. God rained His mercy and grace over a LARGE situation…on Christmas…IN THE REMAINING MINUTES OF HIS SON’S BIRTHDAY. What a better way to end this Christmas? Where is there a better way? There is not. This had been the best Christmas of my eighteen years, and it ended like this, making it even better.

This Christmas was incredible, but it also ended with me feeling like a failure and a bit angry over my obstruction of God’s cause. I held back. I kept my mouth shut. I was the reason that God didn’t answer this prayer sooner. I am the reason that someone didn’t see the light sooner than now. But God has a time for everything. He works things out.

What is going on right now can barely be described by the blabbing of my heart flowing through my working fingers. It cannot be expressed merely by me sitting here typing, trying to release just a bit of the holy pressure in my heart. It has to be seen, felt, heard to be understood. My heart and soul’s explosion can only be experienced to comprehend the meaning of it. I am SO GRATEFUL to God that He has poured a part of His heart into me over the past four months - the past four months that have felt like four years. But in light of this, four years ago I never would have guessed that my mind, heart, and soul would be so pressed upon the way they have been since August.

Praise God for August. Praise God for tragedy. Praise God for His divine work and will. Praise God for making the past four months the MOST meaningful four months of my life. Praise God for hearing and answering prayer. Praise God for His never letting go. Praise God for moving so indescribably, and for the hope that He will continue moving the way He has the past four months.

Thank You, thank You, thank You, Jesus. My heart is overflowing with joy and peace. I know that I’ve felt this exact way since August, of course (I’m telling you, I need to write a book or something), but tonight You started answering a very major prayer and I am so grateful for that. It just adds to my explosion. But again, I feel like such an idiot for keeping this whole situation from a certain someone. I shouldn’t have and I am so sorry.

My August fire has stayed lit thus far, Father, and I ask You that You would help it to stay lit the rest of my life. I know I’ve talked to You about this more times than anyone can count, and the fact that the fire is still here gives me hope that it always will be here. This is what You want, Jesus. Give the world the vision - the perception, the piece of Your very heart - that You’ve given me. Let them see.

GAH! I wish that this could be described. I wish that it could be understood by the readers. But to them, it’s just words. It can’t be understood if it hasn’t been experienced. This has been the longest, most amazing, four months I’ve ever experienced. And it’s going to continue for the rest of my life! But oh, do I wish that the readers could comprehend what I speak of.

The words, the songs, the music, the circumstances, the conversations with Melody that are as many as the grains of sand on the seashore. The tears, the pain, the prayers, the distress, the confusion, the tragedy, the sorrow, the anguish, the agony of God’s heart. The beauty, the joy, the peace, the hope, the exhilaration, the amazement, the dynamite. THE WORKING OF GOD’S VERY HANDS, THE MOVING OF HIS FINGERTIPS, THE BREATH OF HIS LUNGS, THE WORDS OF HIS MOUTH, THE KISS OF HIS LOVE, THE BEAUTY OF HIS HEART. I have experienced His heart. I have seen through His eyes. I don’t know how I’ve stayed alive through this because my heart has exploded only God knows how many times. etewtjioejorigkrpogjretioretjrepotjrpot BOOM. THIS IS THE CALL. There is no other.

Thank You for Melody’s accompaniment and letting us share in this together. Thank You for what You’re hopefully doing with someone else.

Continue stripping me of EVERYTHING; continue making me holy.

I don’t know what else to say, God. You know what’s in my heart. I PRAISE YOU THAT THIS IS FOR REAL! Thank You so very very much. Keep Your sovereign hand on this like You’ve done thus far, Father. I love You.

Portfolio for my photography final.

2009-12-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

Sky on Fire

Radiation

The Story of a Girl Who Wanted Her Picture Taken in the Doorway of an Old Prison

Cotton Candy Land

Foot and Initial

Unnoticed Beauty

Retro in Red

Forest Odyssey: Part One

Forest Odyssey: Part Two

Best Friends

Bones.

2009-10-18T14:57:00.012-06:00

Would you like a glimpse (the smallest view, almost a mere feeling; you reach out to grab it, but it drifts away just as your fingertips kiss it) of what my Almighty God has been kneading inside my soul since I last posted? Here is your peek. ;)

BONES
Clean me of my rubbish;

Wipe off my skinned knees.

Light me with Your fire -

Let the whole world see.

Let it see Your glory

As You burn all me away.

Hold me where You want me.

This is what I pray.

Awake. Lost. Revive. Fire. Love. Change. Soul. Desperation. Passion. Desire. Pain. Hope. Confusion. Revolution. Found. Alive. Radical. Alone. Remedy. Mission. Burn. Anguish. Glory. Operation. Transformation. Beauty. Jesus. EXPLOSION. <3

A breath of Your glory.

2009-01-07T23:45:00.004-07:00

Intelligence, inspiration, motivation, creativity: one minute they're here, and the next they're gone. Sometimes it frustrates me. I feel emulative, but I stop it before it rises too high. I try not to wonder why I feel so insufficient in the scape of everyone else. I let it all go, and I breathe. I breathe. I breathe Your glory.

I take everything in. I remember what You've done for me. I remember what You've done for others. I forget what discontents me, and I praise You. I let Your Spirit embrace my soul. I tell myself that it's okay.

But here I find myself again. I'm a soul trapped inside a body. My body is flesh, and my spirit is born of light. I feel like all the things I'm trying to escape from wrap themselves more tightly around me. I wish to get away from these works of darkness. It's refreshing to recall that I myself am not flesh, but only my disposition. Still, I desire to be rescued out of this world. It will not come about until You take me, but for the moment I sit calmly, and I breathe in Your glory.

I hold You in my heart. But You're not for my eyes only - You're for the eyes of the world. This is Your world.

You've given me a mission. You've called me out by name. You knew me before time started ticking. The universe and everything in it belongs to You, but You gave us each the personal choice to have You forever or to not. My mission isn't easy, but I will do what You've asked of me:

To tell Your world of its Creator's majesty, of what You've done, of Your unconditional love; to live my life as a mirror of You. That's what it's all about. So I let You pour Your glory into my insufficiency. Some days it may hurt, but I let You work in me. I am Your clay. So I release myself and breathe. I breathe Your glory.

Jesus IS...

2008-12-06T00:18:00.002-07:00

My salvation: the One who delivers me.
My rock: the solid thing I can stand on.
My light: the One who chases away darkness.
My hope: the solitary thing I can always look forward to.
My comfort: the blanket that covers my heart, soul, and mind.
My peace: the calmer of my raging seas, whatever they may be.
My joy: the unchanging happiness that I often lose sight of.
My lover: the romance of my soul.
My leader: the One I follow.
My transformer: the One who changes me.
My conviction: the One who brings me back.
My sanctification: the One who separates me from the world and my flesh.
My creator: the author of my faith and my life's story.
My pride: the reason I don't care what people think of me.
My confidence: of whom shall I be afraid?
My humility: the One who helps me lower myself.
My advocate: the Person I can go to when I sin.
My intercessor: the One who prays for me.
My physician: the One who heals me.
My refuge: the place I go when there's nowhere else to go.
My counselor: the One I can talk to anytime, anywhere.
My strength: with Him, I can do anything He wants.
My wings: I can rise above anything.
My bullet-proof vest: the One who protects me.
My restoration: the One who renews me.
My countless riches: He's worth more than anything to me.
My encouragement: the One who lifts me up when I'm down.
My breath: the reason I'm still alive.
My teacher: the One I learn from.
My entity: the One who's always here.
My constant: the only thing that never changes.
My purpose: the sole reason I exist.
My redemption: the cleanser of my sin.
Infinite: He has no beginning and no end.
Ineffable: the most amazing thing ever.
Indescribable: the single Person that can't come close to being completely described.

My Father, my best friend, my mercy and grace, my EVERYTHING.
"And God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM'..." [Exodus 3:14]

Thanksgiving.

2008-11-26T23:29:00.007-07:00

I'm starting to miss some people...I really miss The Hearthstone (now Ramada). I miss EGBC ; ) I miss long days with my sunshine. even longer nights, wonderful talks, tears, laughter, and HUGS...
Ohhh, the memories... : )
BUT because of those memories, I have no reason to hold onto what I had before. I'd like to go back and relive some of those memories, but not for awhile. And not for very long. Best times of my life...but I can't do it forever. I'm so glad that I lived them at one time. : )

Now I'm changing. Not that I'm not the same Sarah that shared such marvelous times with the people I love, but I'm different. I wasn't living for Jesus exactly how I should have been. But it's all part of growing spiritually - letting go of things, forsaking things, becoming more like Jesus. It doesn't happen the second you're saved. It's something that takes a lifetime. It's called sanctification ; ) I'm not saying that we're not different the moment we're saved, because we are. The Bible says that we are new creations. But it's a process of stepping out of our old skin, and a continuous one at that. It's like a snake shedding its skin. They do it over and over. That's what I'm learning. I must continually shed my skin.
Jesus gives power to those who sincerely seek Him. It's the exact same power that healed blind eyes and deaf ears, cast out demons, created the universe, parted seas, calmed storms, and brought the physically and spiritually dead to life. This is the same power that lives in me!
So I am different. I'm probably more real than I've ever been. Moving here was a change...it brought a change inside of me by the grace of my Savior. I'm not the same - I'm constantly being molded into the shape of Jesus Christ. Praise be to God :D

I'm going to have a good Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for:
Having the opportunity to live in KY.
How God always watched over me there.
Everything He did for me there - before and after He saved me.
The friends that I have there (you guys know who you are.)
The church I belonged to.
All the memories I have, good and bad.
Everything God allowed me to go through, and everything He taught me.

God seeing fit to bring my family back home.
All my family and relatives.
My new friends.
The house that God has given us.

Nature.
Education :D
Creativity.
Beauty.
The mind of God.
The way that He opens doors like flying colors if you follow Him.
How He's been changing me.
His holy Word and all its promises.
His comfort, rest, hope, joy, peace, guidance, etc.

But most of all, I'm thankful for His gift of Jesus, that I may have LIFE, and have it in abundance.
Thank You, Jesus, for everything You are for me. I love You alone.

Freedom.

2008-11-19T23:15:00.004-07:00

All my chains I can't disengage, and I don't believe that I want to. One hand sings Your praise, the other brings me shame. I have selfishness to blame. And I'm singing for freedom. I know I'm not the only one praying to the One who can bring me this freedom. I'm ready for change, change, change, change. Broken down I lay - I keep holding my chains. No longer bound, but here I stay. I scream, "Father, please, I need rescuing! I need You and You alone." And I'm singing for freedom. I know I'm not the only one praying to the One who can bring me this freedom I'm ready for, I'm ready for. Still You patiently wait, yet I won't just let go. I see You and You alone saying, "Come follow Me. Despair has come so you can see release." So I'm singing for freedom. So I'm singing for freedom. The time has come, separation has lost the war to love. Take My hand - grace has found you where you once began. You're alive, you're alive in the waking of new life. Take My hand. In the end, there's only love. There's only love. There's only singing for freedom. I know I'm not the only one praying to the One who can become this freedom I'm ready for, I'm ready for. Father, please, I need rescuing. I need You and You alone.

COPYRIGHT 2008, Run Kid Run.

Confusion.

2008-10-30T22:45:00.002-06:00

Earlier tonight, my little brother was carrying around a bag of balloons (which were not inflated). He spilled them all over. Naturally, I went to him and said, "Do you want me to help you pick them up?" He replied, "No! Get away from me!"
I began to wonder, is that what we (I) do to God so often? We start to fall apart, and He races to us saying, "Do you want me to help you pick the pieces back up?" But no. We don't want His help. We think we're okay with Him, but we push Him away like that.
Then I started to wonder a bus load of other things. Like: I know NOBODY IS perfect and we all make mistakes, but is it possible for a genuine Christian to sin deliberately?...and you know that you should stop, but you don't? Is that the proof of an unbeliever? Or is it just your flesh and Satan controlling you, since you gave him ground to walk on? I'm confused about this. Does it take some people longer to repent from certain sins after they're saved? Or what about a sin that is started AFTER someone has a salvation experience? What if they don't realize that it's wrong? Does that show that they're walking in darkness? "If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth." (1 John 1:6) I'm just confused. I have all these questions that keep popping up in my head, but I can't think of all of them right now.
If someone has some answers for me, PLEASE tell me. You can email me or leave a comment. I'll post more if I think of some more things.

Goodnight.

A picture of the hopelessness of sin.

2008-10-25T21:54:00.003-06:00

This poem was anonymously written by a heroin addict.

So now, little man...
You have grown tired of grass,
LSD, acid, cocaine, and hash,
And someone pretending
to be a true friend, Said:
"I'll introduce you to Miss Heroin."
Well, honey, before you start
fooling with me,
Just let me inform you
of how it will be.
For I will seduce you
and make you my slave.
I have sent men much stronger
than you to their grave.
You think you could
never become a disgrace
And end up addicted
to poppyseed waste.
So you will start inhaling me
one afternoon.
You'll take me into your arms
very soon.
And once I have entered deep
down in your veins,
The craving will nearly
drive you insane.
You will need lots of money,
as you have been told,
For, darling, I am much more
expensive than gold.
You'll swindle your mother, and
just for a buck,
You'll turn into something
vile and corrupt.
You'll mug and you'll steal
for my narcotic charm,
And feel contentment when
I'm in your arms.
The day when you realize
the monster you've grown,
You will solemnly promise
to leave me alone.
If you think you have got the
mystical knack, Then sweetie,
just try getting me off your back.
The vomit, the cramps,
your gut tied in a knot,
The jangling nerves screaming
for just one more shot.
The hot chills, the cold sweat,
the withdrawal pains,
Can only be saved
by my little white grains.
There is no other way and
there's no need to look,
For deep down inside
you will know you are hooked.
You will desperately run
to the pusher and then,
You will welcome me back
to your arms once again.
And when you return,
just as I foretold,
I know you will give me
your body and soul.
You will give up your morals,
your conscience, your heart,
And you will be mine
...until death do us part.

Jesus, take the wheel.

2008-10-21T20:09:00.002-06:00

An interesting story has developed over the past 4 hours or so. It is now my duty to report it to you.
My dad has been having trouble with his car the past few months. When it first started, he took it to one of my uncles because he fixes cars. My uncle had it for about two months or so. When my dad got it back, it worked for maybe a week, but problems developed once again. So this past Saturday, my uncle took my dad's car to fix it again.
A few hours ago, my aunt called. She said that her step-son had just called her at work and told her that my dad's car had been stolen. After she got off the phone with my mom, she called the police. The police told her that a few minutes before she called them, they found my dad's car...totaled.
Of course, my aunt had to talk to the police. They asked her questions, and told her the condition that they found my dad's car in. Apparently, the people that stole the car were coming off a dirt road, and T-boned a cement truck. The truck driver so shocked at first that he was just sitting there. He snapped out of it, and saw four kids running from the car. He only got a good look at two.
It was such a bad accident that 1) if they would have hit a normal car, they would have killed the people in it; and 2) the police think that the people who were in in my dad's car must be hurt.
They're going to get the truck driver to meet with a sketch artist to draw the people's faces; they're going to test the footprints near the car; they're going to get the fingerprints off the door handles, key, steering wheel, etc.; and they're going to check all the local hospitals tonight.
I'm asking that you pray for the people who did this, and also for my aunt and uncle and their family. I KNOW that God has a plan. It's not a coincidence that my dad's car screwed up again, making it so my uncle had to take it. Thus, the outcome we have at hand. I don't know what God's plan is, but I can see His fingerprints. I may never see the result of this plan, but I know there has to be one. I'm not at all in any state of worry, anxiety, or fear because I know that this will work out. There's no reason for me to feel anything but peaceful. I don't even have to fight of those feelings because they're not present. God has a plan ^_^

By the way, it never snowed. But that's okay ; ] It will come in time.

"Praise the Lord with melodies on the lyre; make music for him on the ten-stringed harp. Sing a new song of praise to him; play skillfully on the harp, and sing with joy." - Psalm 33:2-3

the snow is coming, the snow is coming!

2008-10-12T21:46:00.003-06:00

Oh my! It's me! [gasp] :p haha. And now it's her brother. And now it's me again! I am going to be accompanied in my typing by my dear little brother. ; ]
SO. I have not updated this baby in a while...what's new, brah? [brother] i want pie. [me] You always want pie. Or pizza. [brother] yes, yes i do. and you don't? [me] Hmmm...not always. [brother] realllyyyyy???? that's just sad. [me] [snort!] ha! mmhmm. Too bad for you, I guess.

Okay. New things. I suppose that I've been distracted from updating because of school, and also because two weeks ago, we moved into our house. : ] We all like it so far. It's nice ^_^ Everyone has been asking for pictures or a video, and I will get to that. I hope ; ] I have been so busy.
Everyone also likes to know about how our church hunt is going. Well, we've been going to this one church for about a month or so. I didn't really like it at first because they have a small youth group, but the more I've gotten to know the people, the less I care about how big or small the church it. I'm just hoping that if God wants us there, He'll use me and I'll let Him.
So now, as I'm sitting here sipping my hot chocolate - because baby, it's COLD outside - I'm finding myself filled with desire to serve my Savior. I've been waiting for three months, and I feel like I'm becoming very dry. I MISS serving in a church. I miss it so much that I actually started tithing at a church I don't yet belong to. I didn't say that to bring glory to myself in anyway, but just to make a point. It doesn't matter where on this earth you are, you can serve Jesus ANYWHERE. I am still struggling with this concept, as the Besieger of Saints pulls at me, but Jesus will come through. He always has. So if, according to the word of His mouth (which I BELIEVE), He never changes, then shouldn't He come through for me over and over again? I have yet to see the day that He forsakes the righteous (Psalm 37:25). His wonders never cease. That's what we've been learning about every Sunday. It's very encouraging. So keep that slice of hope with you.

I have no more time to type, but please pray for me and my family. Email me if you have mine! If not, leave me a comment! : ] God bless you guys. He's always holding onto you...even if you can't feel it.

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort." -2 Corinthians 1:3

there's a monster in my computer.

2008-09-17T17:38:00.005-06:00

First things first. I have some proposals for you. hehe.
UNO: Want a sign? I'll make you a sign. Email me or leave a comment and tell me. But you might not get it for about a month. Especially since, in the next four weeks, my face is going to be getting uglier than it already is. And also because we have to move before I can upload the picture I take for you.
DOS: Want a letter? I'll write you a letter. Email me and send me your address. I LOVE letters.: D
TRES: I would feel special if you wrote me a letter and/or made me a sign : ]
CUATRO: Oh, wait. I think that's all! So...yes! Reply, reply! ; ]

Second things come after first things.
We are supposed to be moving into our house sometime next week. We still don't have a church. So please keep praying for that.

Three is a crowd.
I don't exactly remember the third thing I was going to say though...hmmm. Well, I could be random by telling you that I am going to be holding a MOURNING SESSION on Friday night. Don't even ask... [snort]

Four is the definition of someone still immature.
And I must say that lately, Jenny and I have been QUITE DISTURBED [clears throat very loudly] over someone who seems to have been reverted to the age of four. Let me tell ya...if you have dead brain cells, don't date someone you met online.

Five can be weeks.
And that is almost precisely how long I have to wait to find out if I won the Bebo Norman songwriting contest. : ] Yes, I entered my song Lullaby (Asleep). Don't know the lyrics? Ask me for that too! :p Anyhoooo! I've entered other songwriting contests before and didn't win, so I'm not hoping too hard. But God is in control : ]

Six is for Six Flags.
Which is where I'm going next week! :D This is ridiculous: I haven't been to an amusement park in two years. Go ahead! Laugh! It's funny! ; ]

And seventh is what it takes for this currently AMUSED girl to stop typing...for now... (muahahahaha! :D) Plus, I think I'm getting another skin infection, lol! SO...until I return.

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." - Isaiah 26:3

sooner than I hoped =]

2008-08-27T13:20:00.003-06:00

Hello all! As always, I don't have much time for an update. So this will be brief.

I just wanted everyone to know that we found a house! Hallelujah =] We're supposed to be able to move into it in about a month. It's a really nice house. Ask away if you have any questions about it! I would go into more detail, but I have schoolwork to do.
That brings me to my second point. School is going well, for any of you who were wondering. I'm keeping busy with it =]
I ask that you continue praying for my family. We really appreciate it. Also, please pray for me personally, and my best friend Tabitha. Both of us really need it. I love all of you! God bless.

"Then Jesus told them, 'You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going.' " - John 12:35

tra la la laaaa...

2008-08-19T22:38:00.000-06:00

Hello wonderful people! I just wanted to let you know about two things.

1. The cell is broken so I won't be able to talk to anyone until my dad gets a new one.
2. I'm starting school tomorrow!! =D I am so pumped...it's been long enough. I usually start in the first few days of August, and I must say that August 20th is quite late. I didn't think I was going to be able to start until we moved into our own house due to the way my school works. But I got myself all hooked up so now I'm good to go! =] This should be great. Though I probably won't be online as much. I say that every year, but this year I have very few things to distract me. I will most likely get online atleast once a day though, so no worries. ^_^

I hope everything is going well for all of you! And I'm really sorry for the lack of updates. I've been busy. You guys are in my prayers! Love you all! <3>

short update.

2008-08-09T21:41:00.003-06:00

Hellooooo! =] Again, I don't have much time. But I wanted to fill you guys in on a little bit.
First of all, the bank rejected the offer we put in on that house. But it's okay. Second of all, we're putting an offer in on another house. Third of all, we're still looking for a church, but there's a youth group I really like so far. And fourth of all, I know a lot of people are curious to know about the seizure thing I had on Tuesday, so I will be telling about that as soon as I get a chance.
I love you guys! You're in my prayers.

"Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit."
[Jeremiah 17:7-8, NLT]

What I came from.

2008-08-04T12:54:00.006-06:00

"What has God done for you?" A Christian living in India was asked that very question. Without saying a word, the man gathered some dry leaves and placed a worm in the middle of the pile. He then set the leaves on fire. Just as the worm was about to be engulfed in the flames, the man pulled the worm out and set it on a rock. He then explained, "This is exactly what Jesus Christ did for me."

Think about that. Every person that has ever lived and ever will live is like a worm compared to God. He is SO perfect and holy; we're so small and inadequate, crawling around in the dirt. We wouldn't even be here without Him, yet we continue trying to exist as if we were. Our souls dangle on a thread over hell, but God's hand is RIGHT THERE, waiting for us to take it. And that's precisely all we have to do. In fact, we don't DO anything except for put our faith in Jesus. He already completed everything required.

Psalm 40:1-2 says, "I waited and waited and waited for God. At last He looked; finally He listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn't slip." [The Message.]

I fell into an endless hole, but Jesus rescued me. And I am so grateful that He loved me enough to trade His heart for mine. Are you grateful for your sweet salvation? Thank Him right now.

If you haven't met the infinite love of my Savior, I pray that you'll beg Him to draw your heart to Him.

"For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

=]

2008-08-03T07:33:00.002-06:00

We put an offer on a house yesterday... ! This excites me. I'm praying that we get it, but if we don't...then that's okay because it wasn't God's will. I don't have that much time, but I just wanted to ask all of you to pray for this.
I hope everything is going well for all of you! Love you guys!

so it begins, and there it ends.

2008-07-29T14:24:00.003-06:00

I knew I'd get like this eventually. It'a actually ridiculous to think about. I don't know who I think I am, but I don't like whoever it is. I feel like an alien to myself.
It's like I'm bipolar in my walk with God. I was fine last week. I was like, "I'm not going to get discouraged, not me!" And yeah. Here I am...sitting here wondering, " Is this really God's will?..."
So I prayed about it earlier. I told God how I felt. I told Him that I don't know who I am anymore, and that I am NOT happy with who I've been lately. I asked Him to show Himself to me the way He always has. When I'd need answers, I'd read the Bible and the Holy Spirit would speak to me in such a powerful way. I need that again. I didn't (and still don't) understand, if this is God's will, why dad had to to get a job where he'd have a lower salary while living in a city with a higher cost of living. And I definitely don't understand why we can't find a house or a church.
And then it hit me. Not quite like I remembered it, but it definitely hit me. His answer. His still, small voice. And I knew in my soul that this is supposed to be a growing experience for me...no matter how long I live here. God brought me here because He knew, though I've always LOVED it here, that I was going to be irritated with some things, and that I need to work on some stuff in my life (just like everyone else). And He knew that I'd have to be here, in this situation, for that to happen. I also know that by us leaving, it will bring other people to realize things in their lives as well.
So. Just like every other Christian, I'm going to have to learn to trust God more than I have before. I trust Him, but not enough. So each day, each moment, each circumstance, I'm going to have to let go of myself and give ME to the ONE who rescued me.

"Preach the gospel everywhere. If necessary, use words." - St. Francis of Assisi

wonderful night, it is =]

2008-07-29T00:30:00.001-06:00

I am so...not tired. lol. I'm just sitting here...watching Cold Case =D with my uncle. in a rocking chair.
I had this brilliant idea! but he said everyone would think we're mental if we did it...I think it'd be funny and a good time. especially at 12:28 in the morning. when the neighborhood is asleep and it's dark and quiet outside...dare I tell you? I don't think so ;]
back to Cold Case, thank you very much <33

2008-07-28T15:03:00.003-06:00

Hello beautiful people of the world! =] I haven't blogged in almost a week, I know. I've been kind of busy, AND my cousin who isn't usually here has been home a lot. He works on an unset schedule, so who knows when he'll ever be home. But when he IS home, he stays on the computer AND watches TV at the same time. All day. Unless someone was already on the computer when he got home. Then he waits until they get up. But whatever :p It is his computer and TV. Actually...he has two TV's side by side...but I don't care and I'm sure you don't either.
I have a few prayer requests for you. First of all, please pray for the family and friends of a woman named Carolyn. She had cancer (in her stomach, I believe) and passed away today. Second, pray for my bestest friend Tabitha and her family for an uspoken issue. Pray that God would give them comfort, strength and guidance right now. And third, please pray for my brothers...I think they've completely lost their marbles...and their sense of maturity.
I don't really have anything interesting to say. I've been too busy to think about it. Oh wait! Yes I do. I can't talk to anyone on the phone until August gets here because my father is almost out of minutes. I just thought I should tell you that so you wouldn't think I'm ignoring you. Because I'm not ;]
Everyone have a wonderful week and I'll post again soon! ^_^

"Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:6

My mouth is dry.

2008-07-23T08:17:00.003-06:00

Hey guysss. =] I deleted my last post (OH.EM.GEE.) because there were a few people who misunderstood it completely. So, I apologize for making anyone think that I'm being selfish or immature or wanting attention, because I'm not and the point of that post was not to draw attention to myself. I'm not even going to try to explain it though because I've realized over the past 4 years that I am a VERY misunderstood girl. But that's okay.

We're going to church tonight. It will be the first Wednesday I've been to church in 3 weeks. It's like a breath of fresh air just thinking about it. And I'm just going to shut up before I go into anymore expository writing...not that it would be anything bad. Just misunderstood. I don't really have anything to say as of right now though. So I'm going to continue on with my day. =] I hope all of you have a fantastic one! I love you guys!

An Ode to Venting: Part 2

2008-07-17T15:40:00.003-06:00

WELL. We didn't go to church last night. Lovely, isn't it? I feel like a heathen. Would you like to know WHY we didn't go to church last night?? Because my father is refusing to go to a church with more than about 1,000 people. And one of the only churches that has a 7:00 Wednesday service with something for every age group is the biggest church in this city. (The reason it has to be a 7:00 service is because my dad doesn't get home from work until around 6:20, but that's beside the point.) So yeah. Lovely, isn't it??
I'm so tired of this! I really don't understand why he's acting like this! I mean, I love my father and I don't want you to get the impression that he's some kind of weirdo, but seriously! Just because HE doesn't like big churches doesn't mean the rest of us have to suffer. It's not about him. GAHHH!
Pleeeeaaaase just pray for this situation. PLEASE. I'm desperate. ;] But really, I am.

I love you all! You're in my prayers.

proverbs 3:5-6

An Ode to Venting.

2008-07-15T22:21:00.002-06:00

grrrrr! I am very irritated by the fact that my father doesn't want to go to a church without a Sunday evening service! I mean...for real. GAH! I like going to church on Sunday nights, yes. I'm not bashing it at all. But just because a church doesn't have an evening service does NOT make it a bad church. I just want a church with a good youth group, for crying out loud. [sigh] I'm sorry. I'm just aggravated. I'll go now. Please pray for this annoyance of a situation.

fruitless?

2008-07-13T20:27:00.005-06:00

It seems like it. I know we've only been here for 5 days, but still. Housing costs have gone up a lot in the past 9 months or so. We can't even afford a nice house here. I've been looking for a job. I told my dad I'd help make the payments for a house, but I can't even find a job that looks interesting. I definitely do not want to work in fast food. I loved lifeguarding in KY, but I can't really find any jobs like that here that I'm elligible for. One that I'd actually be interested in, I can't do because it's mandatory to go through training, which costs $75. And I really don't feel like paying $75 dollars for a job that will end in about 2 months. So then I thought it'd be cool to be a ride operator at Six Flags, but you have to be atleast 18.
SO. I found this company nearby that has a lot of job openings for teens, and I reallyyyy want to do it. Most of them are extras for music videos, movies, and commercials, etc.; but there is one opening for a dance team. I've always loved dancing...and I've always wanted to get into choreography. BUT...my father doesn't believe in dancing. Most Baptists don't. Which bothers me deeply. Oh well. Whatever.
There are a lot of things I could say about the religious mindset of a Baptist, but I won't. I'm not saying anything bad about someone who is Baptist, it's just that a lot of them have all these stupid "rules" about what we can and can't do, blahblahblah, and I'm like, "Okayyyy..." But their teaching is usually right on, brutha. ;] haha. Plus, I'm supposedly Baptist, so yeah. But let me tell ya, I believe what Baptists believe, yes. But I do NOT go around telling people that they can't dance, can't worship any way they want, can't listen to certain kinds of music even though it's Christian (that one bothers me the most, grrrr), and those types of things. GAH! It's so irritating. Psht. Whatever. :D

Back to whatever I was thinking about before....oh yeah! We're also having trouble finding a church. Most churches here don't have a Sunday evening service, which makes my father tick. Personally, I don't see a huge problem with that. I mean, I see how not going to church on Sunday night could make you not want to go on Sunday mornings and such, but as far as a good reason...I have none. Not really. I mean, I can think of things like it's wonderful to worship God as much as possible on His day. But I don't think they did that in the Bible days. I could be wrong, I don't know. I like going to church on Sunday nights, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that if we can't find a good church with Sunday night services, there's nothing we can really do about it. I don't think God would be offended? We could have our own Bible study thing on Sunday nights. If someone I can believe gives me an answer to this, then maybe I'll see it differently. But otherwise, that's what I think.
It's been an interesting day.

I'll post soon! I love you guys! Miss you.

life as of now.

2008-07-11T08:12:00.005-06:00

Helloooo! =] So, as most of you know, I have moved. To a different state, nonetheless. (The name of which I shan't say on the internet, because I'm paranoid about those kinds of things.) I was quite excited about moving, beside the fact that I had to leave all my friends. But I don't really feel like giving my "I heart adventure" speech, so I shan't.
We left Monday morning around 8:45 Eastern time. We had a few small dilemmas which put us here a little later than we planned, but everything was fine. We got here around 11 Eastern time on Tuesday night.
On Wednesday, we unloaded the moving truck and put everything in storage. (We're staying with one of my uncles until we find a house.) That was one HOT day, I'll tell ya that.
Yesterday, my dad and I went to the licensing department. He got his new driver's license and I got my new permit. Yay me. Actually, it's not as bad as I thought. I was VERY angry before we moved, because I read about the licensing process here, and it had a lot of restrictions that I didn't have before. But when I actually talked to the lady yesterday, I found out that, since I've moved out of state, I am an exception. Ha. =] So while I'll be getting my driver's license later than I wished, it's not as late as I thought it would be. And I didn't have to take the written test again, like I was told I would have to. It was basically like the renewal of a license. I had to take the eye test again, and fill out paperwork with my new information, but that's all. =] And, of course, get my stupid picture taken. Again. But overall, it's not going to be that bad.
I must be going now. But please continue praying that we find a house...soon. I love all of you, and you're in my frequent thoughts and prayers. =D

Looks like a promise to me!

2008-05-03T12:50:00.004-06:00

So. i found this in my Bible. i think it's beautiful.
--------------------------------------------------------------

HE PROMISES TO WIPE OUT THE RECORD AGAINST YOU.

"And you...He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us." [Col. 2:13-14]

We think we're pretty slick with our big-screen TV's and surround sound systems. But wonder what God's got in store for the day of judgment, when every person who's ever lived has to stand before Him and give account of their lives?
This is just a wild guess - highly unproven - but can't you just imagine some gigantic movie screen, out in the middle of this huge mass of people, playing surveillance camera footage of their secret sins, their bad thoughts, their evil intentions - right there in front of their mamas and everything?
If that scenario is even remotely true, what do you think would be on your tape? The time you let your sister's pet mouse loose? The day you got mad and told your dad you hated him - or thought something worse?
If you've asked Christ into your heart, your own personal, private showing will have been somehow mysteriously erased...deleted from memory by a nail-scarred hand.

See for yourself:
Ps. 108:12; Is. 43:25; Rom. 3:24

Controversy in our world.

2008-04-15T11:48:00.006-06:00

A few days ago, I was reading the blog of an acquaintance of mine, and I came across something very upsetting. I first must say, I realized that these kinds of thoughts existed in our world - it's nothing new to me. I've even met people who believe things like this. I know America (especially the youth) is in a very pitiful state. I've seen things happen to point to these kinds of beliefs, but when I read this it just...bothered me. Here's what it says:

"Well, it is hard to argue the teachings of Jesus — whether you believe or not. But the jerks at the Southern Baptist Convention and the freaks at Focus on the Family have completely hijacked those teachings of Jesus. The Sermon on the Mount is all about turning the other cheek. I think if Jesus were to come back he would more likely hang out with low-lifes and perhaps be in a really bad cover band, but do his good work. The Bible good teachings but the story line has too many,hate to say it, but contridictions.

How has religion influenced me?

I was baptized in the Catholic church. The Catholic church is very ceremonial. I don't mind that. I was raised in a small town where we were the only rednecks and wanksters, so we would go to my mother's Baptist establishment. My cousin and I made a complete mockery of it. My mother and aunt were upstanding members, but I think they appreciated us making a mockery of it a bit. As kids we went every Sunday to church and it gave us loads of material for ridicule. My aunt would say we were going to Hell but would laugh at our diatribes about the church. Also, a Catholic priest tried to get me drunk at his house one night when I went to dine with him so I could get a recommendation from him for a job at the Vatican. Two weeks later he was arrested for rubbing the altar boys the wrong way. I was older and had my guard up, so nothing happened — even though he was adorable. That last part was made up."

Okay. There are a few things in there that there's nothing wrong with. Like the part where it said, "...it is hard to argue the teachings of Jesus..." Well, it IS hard to argue the teachings of Jesus because they're true. And He probably would be more likely to hang out with the low-lives, because that's what He did when He was here on earth. He spent His time healing people and reaching them with His gospel.

I do know that there are a LOT of hypocrites in our churches today, even people that are children of God. And I do know that it makes Christianity look really bad to the lost. But there are quite a few believers that actually live their lives to the glory of our Savior.

What's even more disturbing than the actual post are the comments. Here they are:

1st comment - "This is incredibly sad. And this isn't religion, this isn't anything but complete misinterpretation of what Jesus really wanted his church as, and I'm sorry this happened to you. But people are people, imperfect and sinful just as God made us, therefore this is what we do (crap like what you were talking about above and even worse). And it's not an excuse, it's just the truth. I'm pretty sure you know this, but Christians aren't all like that."

2nd comment [the writer of the blog] - "I just don't think there is a God. And I think that Jesus was merely the Ghandi of his time. And people in power needed a martyr and a following so they used him and his story to control what they could not. Sorry I just refuse to accept this."

3rd comment - "I guess i could say i side with you on this..because i myself am not religious. And yaeh like you said at the bottom, i think "god" or jesus or whatever he is called is used for a coverup for some people to completley hit rock bottom and blame it on him, or for people to use "god" for a reason that their lives changed drastically to the most amazing life in the world. I think thats all head tricks. And oppurtunitys are endless and i think that its PEOPLE whom hit rock bottom and get back up, and certain people who change things in the world. Not religion. But its easy for me to say since me, or my family arent "religious " in many ways. I dont think we need a book, or a few hypocrits at some church to make us good people. I dont live life with limits. Or fear..If thats going to send me to "hell" than so be it. Ill see the rest of the 99% of people in this world there too. Yeah i agree with you thow. ^_^ im done."

The first comment is mostly right, except for the fact that the person said "...imperfect and sinful just as God made us..." We ARE imperfect and sinful, but that is NOT the way God made us. In fact, it's the complete opposite.

The 2nd comment is just...yeah. It offends me, as I'm sure it offends any other believer because it is completely wrong.

And the 3rd comment. Wow. I think that's what woke me up, if you will. She sounds as if she WANTS to go to hell. But I'm sure she hasn't be taught about it enough to know what it's really like.

I posted all this so, if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, your eyes could be opened. Think about it. This is HOW THE WORLD SEES US! What kind of witness is this? I'm hoping this urges you to go into the world and spread the news of our Lord. Our lives are not about us. Galations 3:26-28 says, "For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." And Colossians 3:3 says, "For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." All throughout the Bible, it tells us that we do not belong to ourselves, as in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." Your life fully belongs to God, so why don't you start living like it? We have to GO.

And I posted this, so if you have not come to know my Jesus, you will be drawn to His infinite love, grace, power, and mercy. In the 3rd comment (above), the girl says that she thinks it's certain people who change things in the world, not religion. She's right. Religion doesn't change things in the world. A relationship with Jesus does. Religion doesn't get you anywhere but in the mud. It's our faith in God's Son, who came to earth to die for YOU, and for me. Our sins separate us from God, because He's absolutely perfect and cannot have one spot of sin in His presence. He MUST punish sin. But Jesus loved us so much that He was willing to take EVERY SIN that had ever been committed (or will ever be committed) upon Himself. He was willing to be punished by His own Father, even though He had never sinned once in His life. He took it ALL for you. God had to punish someone for our sins, or else we'd all die and burn in hell for eternity. So Jesus took the blame, so we could boldly stand before the throne of God and hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
John 14:6 says, "Jesus said, 'I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through Me.' " Jesus is the ONLY way to get to heaven, and through Him we can be called His friends. Despite what you've heard about getting to heaven by being baptized, or doing good things your whole life. It doesn't matter. It can't wash your sins away. But Jesus blood can. All you have to do is have faith in His sacrifice.

If you have any questions about this, or wish to know more about having a relationship with Jesus, please leave a comment. All comments are welcomed, and you can leave one even if you aren't a member of Blogger. Just click the link at the bottom of the post (Comments), and you can choose the way you want to be seen on the comment. It's really easy, and please don't hesitate. I'm praying for YOU. Jesus loves you. ^_^

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. Whoever puts his trust in God's Son will not be lost but will have life that lasts forever. " - John 3:16

Losing is finding.

2008-04-09T19:53:00.015-06:00

She was wondering...why do things that you thought were taken care of come back and hurt as bad as they did before? Like the pain of a broken heart. Or the shame of your past. Or the feeling that you need another person to complete you. She hated those thoughts. She didn't want them back. She knew that God was the only person she really needed in her life. She knew He made us to be with other people, but she came to a point in her relationship with Him that He was all she needed. He put some people in her life, and that was enough for her. So why did she find herself sitting around thinking about what could have been? Then she would think to herself, "C'mon! God already taught you this!" But she couldn't seem to pull herself together.
Her mind wanders. It wanders far away, to a place where she can see him standing next to her again. She can hear his voice. She can feel his hands. And that's where it ends. She pushes it away because she doesn't want to have to deal with that again. God already delivered her from who she was.

The girl who lived of the world. The one who thought love was meant to be manifested physically. The one who went too far in her relationships...especially with him. But love was supposed to be that way, wasn't it? It wasn't wrong. It was okay.
It was okay until he tore her heart out. It was okay until she realized that maybe he didn't really want HER, and maybe all he wanted was her body. So then she had to deal with that. It hurt so bad. When you love someone, and you give them all of you, it's like a brutal death when they leave you. Or when you leave them - as it was. But she had to leave him. She loved him, but she was tired of his games.

Leaving him was the death of her. She would be all alone, but she could still feel him next to her. For a split second, she could rest in his arms again. She could feel his heart beating on her back again. She could turn around and try to place her hand on his chest again, but it's then that she'd realize it was only her mind playing tricks on her. Again.

Then her insanity returned. The hopelessness that found residence in her heart seemed so long ago, but she found it crawling back. Her mind turned into a sea of swirling scenes: flashbacks; dying hopes and dreams. She'd sit alone in a corner and lay her head in between her knees. She'd lie down at night and pull the blanket over her head, sobbing herself to sleep. She'd wake up in the morning with a feeling that something was desperately wrong, then remember that it was him.

After what seemed like forever, an amazing event happened. God saved her soul. He'd dealt with her for a long time about what a terrible sinner she was, and she finally surrendered to Him. What happened after that? He changed her life. Completely.

But then Satan got a hold of her. He told her that she had not been forgiven for her sins related to him. And stupid as she thought she was, she believed him. Though at the time, she didn't quite know it was Satan. She felt so guilty. And ashamed. She struggled and struggled with it day and night. Her head would swim. She hadn't a clue what to do. She prayed and prayed and prayed. She searched for answers. Then she felt God. She heard Him saying something to her. She saw that He had put someone in her life, and this was an appointed time.

So she went to this person and asked her if she could talk to her. They talked a lot. Over and over, she would tell this girl things that she had learned in her own struggle with a similar situation. And over time, those little pieces of truth grew on her. After 5 months, she came to a point in her walk with Christ where she could finally see the light. She realized, deep in her heart, that she was clean. She was forgiven. It just took time for her to grasp that. It took time for her to forgive herself.

Through this whole situation she realized so many things. Things she'll never forget. God instilled something within her. A peace, a hope, a glimpse of His blood. He'll always forgive, but He'll never take consequences away - those are things we have to live with. They can be extremely painful, but they're our responsibility to deal with them. Her biggest consequence are the unseen scars on her soul. The memories she'll always have. The shame that burdens her at times. God cleansed her heart, but she has to live with the same body. Sometimes she'll look at herself and think, "These are the very same hands. The very same mouth. The very same body..." And she gets disgusted. But God will always carry her through. His blood was enough.

Leaving him was the death of her. Jesus was the life of her.

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." - John 8:36