I recently heard a Christian song stating the lyrics, “Help me rediscover You.”
I finally figured it out. I’ve been trying to “rediscover” Jesus. I’ve been thinking that I lost Him somewhere. I made all these commitments to Him in hopes that I could get Him to work in my life again. I thought that I could rediscover Him.
Wow, was I wrong. No wonder I felt so bad every time I discontinued one of my vows. I was right to feel ashamed – I did fail my Jesus. But I didn’t have to rediscover Him.
Why? He has always been right here. He didn’t leave me. He found me once in my life, I didn’t need to find Him, and I especially don’t need to find Him all over again. I have no capability to do so anyway.
I’ve spent the last year or more trying to rediscover Jesus over and over again. That left me high and dry. I’ve come to the realization of some truths though: Jesus doesn’t leave me - I can’t rediscover Him; I can only move forward or move backward in my relationship with Him. If I do the former, I will grow closer to Him day after day, I will experience God piece by piece, and He will use me. If I do the latter, I will be farther from Him each day, I will fall apart, and He will not use me. I will have to come back to Him by repentance, but I cannot come back to Him by rediscovery.
My journey isn’t over yet, and neither is yours. It is not mission complete. We are to fervently run the race of faith each day. We are to keep moving closer to our goal (to be like Jesus). If we screw up, we are to get up, find forgiveness in God, and keep on keepin’ on. It’s not like I’ve already finished discovering God and now I have to discover Him all over again. No!
Everyday, one step closer. (If not, we should get back where we’re supposed to be.) Every moment, a little more of God’s breath in me. It’s a journey with no need to rediscover our Captain. We are God’s adventurers.
At the end of our journey, let us echo the words of Paul: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7)
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Saturday, December 26, 2009
God's heart and His hand: Part One.
I had a prayer answered tonight. God rained His mercy and grace over a LARGE situation…on Christmas…IN THE REMAINING MINUTES OF HIS SON’S BIRTHDAY. What a better way to end this Christmas? Where is there a better way? There is not. This had been the best Christmas of my eighteen years, and it ended like this, making it even better.
This Christmas was incredible, but it also ended with me feeling like a failure and a bit angry over my obstruction of God’s cause. I held back. I kept my mouth shut. I was the reason that God didn’t answer this prayer sooner. I am the reason that someone didn’t see the light sooner than now. But God has a time for everything. He works things out.
What is going on right now can barely be described by the blabbing of my heart flowing through my working fingers. It cannot be expressed merely by me sitting here typing, trying to release just a bit of the holy pressure in my heart. It has to be seen, felt, heard to be understood. My heart and soul’s explosion can only be experienced to comprehend the meaning of it. I am SO GRATEFUL to God that He has poured a part of His heart into me over the past four months - the past four months that have felt like four years. But in light of this, four years ago I never would have guessed that my mind, heart, and soul would be so pressed upon the way they have been since August.
Praise God for August. Praise God for tragedy. Praise God for His divine work and will. Praise God for making the past four months the MOST meaningful four months of my life. Praise God for hearing and answering prayer. Praise God for His never letting go. Praise God for moving so indescribably, and for the hope that He will continue moving the way He has the past four months.
Thank You, thank You, thank You, Jesus. My heart is overflowing with joy and peace. I know that I’ve felt this exact way since August, of course (I’m telling you, I need to write a book or something), but tonight You started answering a very major prayer and I am so grateful for that. It just adds to my explosion. But again, I feel like such an idiot for keeping this whole situation from a certain someone. I shouldn’t have and I am so sorry.
My August fire has stayed lit thus far, Father, and I ask You that You would help it to stay lit the rest of my life. I know I’ve talked to You about this more times than anyone can count, and the fact that the fire is still here gives me hope that it always will be here. This is what You want, Jesus. Give the world the vision - the perception, the piece of Your very heart - that You’ve given me. Let them see.
GAH! I wish that this could be described. I wish that it could be understood by the readers. But to them, it’s just words. It can’t be understood if it hasn’t been experienced. This has been the longest, most amazing, four months I’ve ever experienced. And it’s going to continue for the rest of my life! But oh, do I wish that the readers could comprehend what I speak of.
The words, the songs, the music, the circumstances, the conversations with Melody that are as many as the grains of sand on the seashore. The tears, the pain, the prayers, the distress, the confusion, the tragedy, the sorrow, the anguish, the agony of God’s heart. The beauty, the joy, the peace, the hope, the exhilaration, the amazement, the dynamite. THE WORKING OF GOD’S VERY HANDS, THE MOVING OF HIS FINGERTIPS, THE BREATH OF HIS LUNGS, THE WORDS OF HIS MOUTH, THE KISS OF HIS LOVE, THE BEAUTY OF HIS HEART. I have experienced His heart. I have seen through His eyes. I don’t know how I’ve stayed alive through this because my heart has exploded only God knows how many times. etewtjioejorigkrpogjretioretjrepotjrpot BOOM. THIS IS THE CALL. There is no other.
Thank You for Melody’s accompaniment and letting us share in this together. Thank You for what You’re hopefully doing with someone else.
Continue stripping me of EVERYTHING; continue making me holy.
I don’t know what else to say, God. You know what’s in my heart. I PRAISE YOU THAT THIS IS FOR REAL! Thank You so very very much. Keep Your sovereign hand on this like You’ve done thus far, Father. I love You.
This Christmas was incredible, but it also ended with me feeling like a failure and a bit angry over my obstruction of God’s cause. I held back. I kept my mouth shut. I was the reason that God didn’t answer this prayer sooner. I am the reason that someone didn’t see the light sooner than now. But God has a time for everything. He works things out.
What is going on right now can barely be described by the blabbing of my heart flowing through my working fingers. It cannot be expressed merely by me sitting here typing, trying to release just a bit of the holy pressure in my heart. It has to be seen, felt, heard to be understood. My heart and soul’s explosion can only be experienced to comprehend the meaning of it. I am SO GRATEFUL to God that He has poured a part of His heart into me over the past four months - the past four months that have felt like four years. But in light of this, four years ago I never would have guessed that my mind, heart, and soul would be so pressed upon the way they have been since August.
Praise God for August. Praise God for tragedy. Praise God for His divine work and will. Praise God for making the past four months the MOST meaningful four months of my life. Praise God for hearing and answering prayer. Praise God for His never letting go. Praise God for moving so indescribably, and for the hope that He will continue moving the way He has the past four months.
Thank You, thank You, thank You, Jesus. My heart is overflowing with joy and peace. I know that I’ve felt this exact way since August, of course (I’m telling you, I need to write a book or something), but tonight You started answering a very major prayer and I am so grateful for that. It just adds to my explosion. But again, I feel like such an idiot for keeping this whole situation from a certain someone. I shouldn’t have and I am so sorry.
My August fire has stayed lit thus far, Father, and I ask You that You would help it to stay lit the rest of my life. I know I’ve talked to You about this more times than anyone can count, and the fact that the fire is still here gives me hope that it always will be here. This is what You want, Jesus. Give the world the vision - the perception, the piece of Your very heart - that You’ve given me. Let them see.
GAH! I wish that this could be described. I wish that it could be understood by the readers. But to them, it’s just words. It can’t be understood if it hasn’t been experienced. This has been the longest, most amazing, four months I’ve ever experienced. And it’s going to continue for the rest of my life! But oh, do I wish that the readers could comprehend what I speak of.
The words, the songs, the music, the circumstances, the conversations with Melody that are as many as the grains of sand on the seashore. The tears, the pain, the prayers, the distress, the confusion, the tragedy, the sorrow, the anguish, the agony of God’s heart. The beauty, the joy, the peace, the hope, the exhilaration, the amazement, the dynamite. THE WORKING OF GOD’S VERY HANDS, THE MOVING OF HIS FINGERTIPS, THE BREATH OF HIS LUNGS, THE WORDS OF HIS MOUTH, THE KISS OF HIS LOVE, THE BEAUTY OF HIS HEART. I have experienced His heart. I have seen through His eyes. I don’t know how I’ve stayed alive through this because my heart has exploded only God knows how many times. etewtjioejorigkrpogjretioretjrepotjrpot BOOM. THIS IS THE CALL. There is no other.
Thank You for Melody’s accompaniment and letting us share in this together. Thank You for what You’re hopefully doing with someone else.
Continue stripping me of EVERYTHING; continue making me holy.
I don’t know what else to say, God. You know what’s in my heart. I PRAISE YOU THAT THIS IS FOR REAL! Thank You so very very much. Keep Your sovereign hand on this like You’ve done thus far, Father. I love You.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Portfolio for my photography final.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Bones.
Would you like a glimpse (the smallest view, almost a mere feeling; you reach out to grab it, but it drifts away just as your fingertips kiss it) of what my Almighty God has been kneading inside my soul since I last posted? Here is your peek. ;)
BONES
Clean me of my rubbish;
BONES
Clean me of my rubbish;
Wipe off my skinned knees.
Light me with Your fire -
Let the whole world see.
Let it see Your glory
As You burn all me away.
Hold me where You want me.
This is what I pray.
Awake. Lost. Revive. Fire. Love. Change. Soul. Desperation. Passion. Desire. Pain. Hope. Confusion. Revolution. Found. Alive. Radical. Alone. Remedy. Mission. Burn. Anguish. Glory. Operation. Transformation. Beauty. Jesus. EXPLOSION. <3
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
A breath of Your glory.
Intelligence, inspiration, motivation, creativity: one minute they're here, and the next they're gone. Sometimes it frustrates me. I feel emulative, but I stop it before it rises too high. I try not to wonder why I feel so insufficient in the scape of everyone else. I let it all go, and I breathe. I breathe. I breathe Your glory.
I take everything in. I remember what You've done for me. I remember what You've done for others. I forget what discontents me, and I praise You. I let Your Spirit embrace my soul. I tell myself that it's okay.
But here I find myself again. I'm a soul trapped inside a body. My body is flesh, and my spirit is born of light. I feel like all the things I'm trying to escape from wrap themselves more tightly around me. I wish to get away from these works of darkness. It's refreshing to recall that I myself am not flesh, but only my disposition. Still, I desire to be rescued out of this world. It will not come about until You take me, but for the moment I sit calmly, and I breathe in Your glory.
I hold You in my heart. But You're not for my eyes only - You're for the eyes of the world. This is Your world.
You've given me a mission. You've called me out by name. You knew me before time started ticking. The universe and everything in it belongs to You, but You gave us each the personal choice to have You forever or to not. My mission isn't easy, but I will do what You've asked of me:
To tell Your world of its Creator's majesty, of what You've done, of Your unconditional love; to live my life as a mirror of You. That's what it's all about. So I let You pour Your glory into my insufficiency. Some days it may hurt, but I let You work in me. I am Your clay. So I release myself and breathe. I breathe Your glory.
I take everything in. I remember what You've done for me. I remember what You've done for others. I forget what discontents me, and I praise You. I let Your Spirit embrace my soul. I tell myself that it's okay.
But here I find myself again. I'm a soul trapped inside a body. My body is flesh, and my spirit is born of light. I feel like all the things I'm trying to escape from wrap themselves more tightly around me. I wish to get away from these works of darkness. It's refreshing to recall that I myself am not flesh, but only my disposition. Still, I desire to be rescued out of this world. It will not come about until You take me, but for the moment I sit calmly, and I breathe in Your glory.
I hold You in my heart. But You're not for my eyes only - You're for the eyes of the world. This is Your world.
You've given me a mission. You've called me out by name. You knew me before time started ticking. The universe and everything in it belongs to You, but You gave us each the personal choice to have You forever or to not. My mission isn't easy, but I will do what You've asked of me:
To tell Your world of its Creator's majesty, of what You've done, of Your unconditional love; to live my life as a mirror of You. That's what it's all about. So I let You pour Your glory into my insufficiency. Some days it may hurt, but I let You work in me. I am Your clay. So I release myself and breathe. I breathe Your glory.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Jesus IS...
My salvation: the One who delivers me.
My rock: the solid thing I can stand on.
My light: the One who chases away darkness.
My hope: the solitary thing I can always look forward to.
My comfort: the blanket that covers my heart, soul, and mind.
My peace: the calmer of my raging seas, whatever they may be.
My joy: the unchanging happiness that I often lose sight of.
My lover: the romance of my soul.
My leader: the One I follow.
My transformer: the One who changes me.
My conviction: the One who brings me back.
My sanctification: the One who separates me from the world and my flesh.
My creator: the author of my faith and my life's story.
My pride: the reason I don't care what people think of me.
My confidence: of whom shall I be afraid?
My humility: the One who helps me lower myself.
My advocate: the Person I can go to when I sin.
My intercessor: the One who prays for me.
My physician: the One who heals me.
My refuge: the place I go when there's nowhere else to go.
My counselor: the One I can talk to anytime, anywhere.
My strength: with Him, I can do anything He wants.
My wings: I can rise above anything.
My bullet-proof vest: the One who protects me.
My restoration: the One who renews me.
My countless riches: He's worth more than anything to me.
My encouragement: the One who lifts me up when I'm down.
My breath: the reason I'm still alive.
My teacher: the One I learn from.
My entity: the One who's always here.
My constant: the only thing that never changes.
My purpose: the sole reason I exist.
My redemption: the cleanser of my sin.
Infinite: He has no beginning and no end.
Ineffable: the most amazing thing ever.
Indescribable: the single Person that can't come close to being completely described.
My Father, my best friend, my mercy and grace, my EVERYTHING.
"And God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM'..." [Exodus 3:14]
My rock: the solid thing I can stand on.
My light: the One who chases away darkness.
My hope: the solitary thing I can always look forward to.
My comfort: the blanket that covers my heart, soul, and mind.
My peace: the calmer of my raging seas, whatever they may be.
My joy: the unchanging happiness that I often lose sight of.
My lover: the romance of my soul.
My leader: the One I follow.
My transformer: the One who changes me.
My conviction: the One who brings me back.
My sanctification: the One who separates me from the world and my flesh.
My creator: the author of my faith and my life's story.
My pride: the reason I don't care what people think of me.
My confidence: of whom shall I be afraid?
My humility: the One who helps me lower myself.
My advocate: the Person I can go to when I sin.
My intercessor: the One who prays for me.
My physician: the One who heals me.
My refuge: the place I go when there's nowhere else to go.
My counselor: the One I can talk to anytime, anywhere.
My strength: with Him, I can do anything He wants.
My wings: I can rise above anything.
My bullet-proof vest: the One who protects me.
My restoration: the One who renews me.
My countless riches: He's worth more than anything to me.
My encouragement: the One who lifts me up when I'm down.
My breath: the reason I'm still alive.
My teacher: the One I learn from.
My entity: the One who's always here.
My constant: the only thing that never changes.
My purpose: the sole reason I exist.
My redemption: the cleanser of my sin.
Infinite: He has no beginning and no end.
Ineffable: the most amazing thing ever.
Indescribable: the single Person that can't come close to being completely described.
"And God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM'..." [Exodus 3:14]
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thanksgiving.
I'm starting to miss some people...I really miss The Hearthstone (now Ramada). I miss EGBC ; ) I miss long days with my sunshine. even longer nights, wonderful talks, tears, laughter, and HUGS...
Ohhh, the memories... : )
BUT because of those memories, I have no reason to hold onto what I had before. I'd like to go back and relive some of those memories, but not for awhile. And not for very long. Best times of my life...but I can't do it forever. I'm so glad that I lived them at one time. : )
Now I'm changing. Not that I'm not the same Sarah that shared such marvelous times with the people I love, but I'm different. I wasn't living for Jesus exactly how I should have been. But it's all part of growing spiritually - letting go of things, forsaking things, becoming more like Jesus. It doesn't happen the second you're saved. It's something that takes a lifetime. It's called sanctification ; ) I'm not saying that we're not different the moment we're saved, because we are. The Bible says that we are new creations. But it's a process of stepping out of our old skin, and a continuous one at that. It's like a snake shedding its skin. They do it over and over. That's what I'm learning. I must continually shed my skin.
Jesus gives power to those who sincerely seek Him. It's the exact same power that healed blind eyes and deaf ears, cast out demons, created the universe, parted seas, calmed storms, and brought the physically and spiritually dead to life. This is the same power that lives in me!
So I am different. I'm probably more real than I've ever been. Moving here was a change...it brought a change inside of me by the grace of my Savior. I'm not the same - I'm constantly being molded into the shape of Jesus Christ. Praise be to God :D
I'm going to have a good Thanksgiving.
I'm thankful for:
Having the opportunity to live in KY.
How God always watched over me there.
Everything He did for me there - before and after He saved me.
The friends that I have there (you guys know who you are.)
The church I belonged to.
All the memories I have, good and bad.
Everything God allowed me to go through, and everything He taught me.
God seeing fit to bring my family back home.
All my family and relatives.
My new friends.
The house that God has given us.
Nature.
Education :D
Creativity.
Beauty.
The mind of God.
The way that He opens doors like flying colors if you follow Him.
How He's been changing me.
His holy Word and all its promises.
His comfort, rest, hope, joy, peace, guidance, etc.
But most of all, I'm thankful for His gift of Jesus, that I may have LIFE, and have it in abundance.
Thank You, Jesus, for everything You are for me. I love You alone.
Ohhh, the memories... : )
BUT because of those memories, I have no reason to hold onto what I had before. I'd like to go back and relive some of those memories, but not for awhile. And not for very long. Best times of my life...but I can't do it forever. I'm so glad that I lived them at one time. : )
Now I'm changing. Not that I'm not the same Sarah that shared such marvelous times with the people I love, but I'm different. I wasn't living for Jesus exactly how I should have been. But it's all part of growing spiritually - letting go of things, forsaking things, becoming more like Jesus. It doesn't happen the second you're saved. It's something that takes a lifetime. It's called sanctification ; ) I'm not saying that we're not different the moment we're saved, because we are. The Bible says that we are new creations. But it's a process of stepping out of our old skin, and a continuous one at that. It's like a snake shedding its skin. They do it over and over. That's what I'm learning. I must continually shed my skin.
Jesus gives power to those who sincerely seek Him. It's the exact same power that healed blind eyes and deaf ears, cast out demons, created the universe, parted seas, calmed storms, and brought the physically and spiritually dead to life. This is the same power that lives in me!
So I am different. I'm probably more real than I've ever been. Moving here was a change...it brought a change inside of me by the grace of my Savior. I'm not the same - I'm constantly being molded into the shape of Jesus Christ. Praise be to God :D
I'm going to have a good Thanksgiving.
I'm thankful for:
Having the opportunity to live in KY.
How God always watched over me there.
Everything He did for me there - before and after He saved me.
The friends that I have there (you guys know who you are.)
The church I belonged to.
All the memories I have, good and bad.
Everything God allowed me to go through, and everything He taught me.
God seeing fit to bring my family back home.
All my family and relatives.
My new friends.
The house that God has given us.
Nature.
Education :D
Creativity.
Beauty.
The mind of God.
The way that He opens doors like flying colors if you follow Him.
How He's been changing me.
His holy Word and all its promises.
His comfort, rest, hope, joy, peace, guidance, etc.
But most of all, I'm thankful for His gift of Jesus, that I may have LIFE, and have it in abundance.
Thank You, Jesus, for everything You are for me. I love You alone.
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